I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
It's like a parade of train wrecks.
well, if it gives you any insight into how crazy it was, i am currently wikipediaing "anullment"
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
Randomize
