I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
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