Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
Randomize
