Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
Randomize
