whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
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