I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
Randomize
