Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
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