Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
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