Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
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