I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize
