How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
I looked at my own cervix.
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
Randomize
