Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Randomize
