I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
Randomize
