the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Randomize
