you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
Randomize
