I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
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