i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
