just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Randomize
