i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
Randomize
