I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize