i wish starbucks made bloody marys
Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
Randomize
