Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
it was nice. we just kind of hung out. she didnt even mention the farting incident.
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
Randomize
