6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Randomize
