i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
Randomize
