please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
