i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
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He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
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When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
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