she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
Randomize
