Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
Randomize
