Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
Randomize
