We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize
