I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
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