he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
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