i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
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