I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
What happened to fro yo and sex?
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
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