what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
Randomize
