chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
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