$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
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