If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
Randomize
