So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
Randomize