i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
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