walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
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