My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
Let's paint friendship bongs
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Randomize
