Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
Randomize
