Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
Randomize
