I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
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