hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
