i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
Why did my mother make you get naked?
Randomize
