I'm sorry my penis didn't work
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
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