Plan B is the new Plan A
Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
Randomize
