none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
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