Cold hands, warm shart.
i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
Randomize
