dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
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she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
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Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
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