It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
Randomize