I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
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