if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
Randomize
