Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Randomize
