i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
Randomize
