All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
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