Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
Randomize
