As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
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U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
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Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
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