Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
he asked if thats how we do it in the states..like there's cultural difference in fucking between canada and the us..
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
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