So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
I want to be your penis for a week.
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
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