I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
Randomize