I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
We need a shit load of segways right now
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
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