dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
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