4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
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