i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
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So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
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By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.