I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
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Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
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Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!