he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
Randomize
