if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
