I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
