There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
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In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
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He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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