Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize
