I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
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