it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Randomize
