Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
Randomize
