Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
no, he came in my armpit
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
Randomize
