I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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