I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
Randomize
