all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
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Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
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