She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Randomize
